DOGE Employees Dig up Arlington National Cemetery

In an initiative they described as a vital part of their effort to cut federal spending, officials at the Department of Government Efficiency reported Wednesday that they had dug up Arlington National Cemetery. “The American people gave the president a clear mandate to fight waste, fraud, and abuse by removing the freeloading corpses buried in these graves,” said acting administrator Amy Gleason, who argued that DOGE was simply cracking down on an “unpopular woke bureaucracy” when its fleet of bulldozers and excavators leveled the 400,000 white tombstones that marked the final resting place of armed service members and their immediate families.